When I was on the road, coming home from an English course I have currently been taking for several months, I had to go to the Automated Teller Machine (ATM). There was a little, little boy, with his smile and sad face, offering people to buy some chocolates he was selling on the street. He was sitting on the stairs at the bank, waiting for people to give a small piece of their generosity. It was a lot of chocolates with some flavours in a tiny transparent can. I was thinking to buy some, but I didn’t even need one. I only had a little money to give. I wasn’t even looking for any chocolate. Then I went back home.  

Sooo many thoughts of him popped out from my head; He should be studying at home tonight. He should be home. He shouldn’t be walking on the street in this cold night. He shouldn’t. he shouldn’t be looking for money, he should be feeling the warmth of his parents love , he shouldn’t be hungry. Has he even eaten some food for dinner? Has he? How long does it take for him to come back home? How far? Does he even have a home to stay? A home to come back to? Is he even provided with a proper education from his parents? Why is he on the street right now?

And I cried all way home. It hurt. It was a painful heartache. He might be only 8 or 9 years old, and it was cold out there.  My heart told me to come to the first place I saw him. I couldn’t neglect it, I turned around and he was still there. Oh, Good Lord.  I approached him , I took a deep breath (I couldn’t even breathe easily at the moment, the feeling was overwhelming).

“madam, sir, please buy some of these chocolates…”

“hey lil boy, how much is it? I want one.”

He shook his head and said, “it doesn’t matter.. just give the price as much as you want to pay, Miss.”

Geez. This is going to be hard, I told myself.

“no. it can’t be like that, you name the price.”

“no.. I don’t want to. I am already happy if you will buy one, the price doesn’t matter.”

I knew he needed money. Of course. He wouldn’t be there if he didn’t need some.

Okay. He’s only 8 or 9 years old, I couldn’t force him to name the price. Don’t be stubborn, Njung. I told myself again.

“Okay. This. I’m giving you this. Is this enough?”

He nodded. Good.

Those might be only a dollar , he never told me how much I should give to him. As we know, the price here in Indonesia costs really cheap. But I couldn’t bear my so-soon-guilty-feeling if I gave him only a dollar. Then I gave him a little more.

I knew I did the right thing. I would regret if I didn’t turn around and come to him.

it wasn't a big help. it was a small help, but at least i did what i could do.

Some money don’t matter to me that much, I will earn more in the future, Insyaallah J

My thoughts were depressing me so much it ate me. But I realized that it was one of ways He shows me to touch my heart, to open my eyes.

I could just go home, I could choose not to help him, I could sleep with my fluffy stuff, I could hug my mom when I got home, I could eat some nice food at home, I could study till night, I could feel the warmth of my blanket that night, I could watch Vampire Diaries , but he couldn’t . He fucking couldn’t. I am really sorry to put that F word, but you see? He couldn’t , that it makes me depressed L who the hell knows if he has no home to come back to? Or a mother to curl up with in the bed? Who the hell knows if he’s even provided with a proper education?  It touched me. And it hurt. And it stabbed my heart, deeply.

I’m ashamed of myself because He gives me a good health, wealth, family, friends, opportunities to shine and make a high impact to others. But I haven’t used it good enough. I complained too much. I complain when I have a little money to spend. I spend much money just to dine out with friends while others are studying and my mom’s working hard. I complain when I have to wake up a lil bit earlier for class, even when I know many kids on earth wake up at 4 am to help their parents clean the house first, or help them to prepare their stuff, or if because their home are way too far from school.  I complain if my food isn’t what I expect, those mouthwatering delicious meals. Even when I know manyyyy people in every continent are hungry right at this moment and would eat whatever it is the world offers them tonight.

Then I kept thinking. I’m here , I’m alive NOW for a reason. I’m not here just because I increase the amount of world's population.

It could’ve been my dad’s another sperm cell, but it was me. It was only me. I was chosen among millions of cells. I am meant to be here, to make a difference.

Like you are meant to be alive now, like you are meant to make an impact to others.

WE are meant to be right here and alive right now, for a reason. And I do believe in that.

-Tunjung.